But my fear of this has led me to more stress and more mistakes.
I find myself worrying about things that I should not even be worrying about.
I worry about what others say of me.
I worry about other people's problems.
I worry if I look good.
I worry whether or not I will swim well in a race.
I worry about what my reputation is.
I worry about getting good grades.
I worry about tests.
I worry about if people like me or not.
I worry about being successful.
I worry about worrying.
Sometimes, I wish I was the person that could just lay back during a possible stressful situation and relax, and know that it will all turn out good.
But I do know that someday I will be a happy medium and balance of "stress" and well....the opposite of that.
I was told today by a friend that "I stress about everything."
This probably has to do with the fact that I am a perfectionist.
Etym online claims that a perfectionist is "one who believes moral perfection may be attained in earthly existence;" sense of "one only satisfied with the highest standards"
I seem to only be pleased when I am perfect, or when I feel I am perfect, or in a sense, I have accomplished something amazingly, ("highest standards").
I think that the only times when I swim an awesome race are when I drop a billion seconds, (that's slightly exaggerated).
I want to be a good swimmer all the time.
But the problem is that I am a stresser.
I freak out whenever I have to race or do something new.
I am co teaching swim lessons, and I was freaking out this morning cause I am afraid that I will run out of things for the kids to do. But I am getting better at being more comfortable with teaching.
If I am not pleased with anything I have done, I feel like I have failed myself and those around me.
My nervousness for swimming one race tonight was absurd.
I was almost shaking, or I was just hyperventilating.
I freak out when I am supposed to sprint a race. It sounds so silly, because who doesn't sprint races?
But I do find myself holding back because I am afraid to feel pain.
When I am calm, confident, and know I can do well and sprint, is when I perform my best.
But I am not always confident, I am definitely not always calm, and I don't always believe in myself.
I have made mission statements in the past, but one I made recently, or maybe about a year ago is:
Mallory's MISSION STATEMENT:
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you
take your eyes off the goal.
The most beautiful things in the world are not
seen nor touched. They are felt with the heart.
Our destiny changes with our thought; we shall become
what we wish to become, do what we wish to do, when
our habitual thought corresponds with our desire.
Act as if it were impossible to fail and it will be.
While one person hesitates because he feels
inferior, the other is busy making mistakes
and becoming superior.
Mental toughness can take you to the top, and mental
weakness straight to the bottom.
It’s impossible to win a race if you are thinking
about all the possible ways to lose.
Pals are those we have fun with, and friends are
those who help us to become better people.
The more I live, the more I think that humor is
the saving sense.
Other things may change us, but we start and
end with family.
What I did was just compile a bunch of inspiring quotes and put them together in the right order. These quotes are still my inspiration, but I have switched focus's on my goals the past little while.
But I was thinking about it today, and I think that if I made a new mission statement today, it would be:
Believe.
I want to always believe in myself.
If everybody believed in themselves (while still involving some common sense) we could all be better people.
To Believe is what is most important.
-Mallory
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