reminders of a good life

THIS blog post is from exactly one whole year ago.

This post is from about two years ago.


Sometimes, I get caught up in time.

I get caught up in all its nasty webs that fly around in the wind, waiting to capture me when I'm trying to enter in through the front door.

Sometimes, time eats me up.  Like a tasty burrito.

I remember what it felt like to be at the "before"stage in life.

before I was done with high school.
before I was grown up.
before, when I had never had a boyfriend.
before, when Santa brought me the stuffed bear that smelled like home.  Christmas.
before, when I cried at school because I was afraid I couldn't do everything well.
before I knew strongly who I was.
before I knew that time would race past me.

and forget me.

Sometimes, I wonder where I will be exactly in five years.
I do have goals and plans, but not marking every single step of the way.

The truth is,
I am always in the before.

I'm in the before now.

The Before my mission.
Before I graduate.
Before I earn a six pack.
Before I can do the splits.
Before I get to see my Mama and Papa and family again.
Before I have finished reading The Life of Pi.
Before I finish making my journal.
Before I always must remind myself who I am.
Before marriage.
Before kids.
Before grandchildren.

I love you, Before.

A breath of fresh air,
seeing your breath whisper into the wind, remembering the times you hugged your loved ones, opening up your scriptures and Remembering the love He has for you, closing your bedroom door shut to get some sleep, putting your backpack on your shoulders to take a trip, seeing eyes sparkle in the glowing sun, hearing beloved silence fill your mind with inspiration and peace, and finally learning to see the beauty all around you.

The beauty that may be dry and flat is full of love, home, falling leaves sprinkled with powdered sugar snow.  The beauty was always there, but so difficult to see.