bent out of shape

 I want to talk about my hair.

In high school, my hair was so long and beautiful. A dark brown. Even though I swam in chlorine at least five times a week the majority of my high school and childhood years, it was luscious and healthy. I think it's something I found most beautiful about myself. 

I remember letting my hair down in middle school while on the monkey bars, feeling like I was a gorgeous diva (haha). 

I cut my hair short before I headed off to college. (Well, my sister did - who is a cosmetologist and super good at it.) It was the shortest it had been in yeeeears. While in college, I worked up the courage to cut my hair INTO A PIXIE. It was so freeing. 

I had been hiding behind my hair (gorgeous hair) for so long and with a pixie cut - my whole face showed. I had to show me - and not my hair. I felt like a new person. 

Looking back, I am a bit embarrassed by some of the pixie cuts I got. (I looked like a man for the first one!!!!! Eek.)

I decided to grow it out after maybe a year of pixie length. It was fun to grow it out. Getting some length on the top gave me something fun to play around with. I could curl my hair and pin some back. I felt a bit more feminine and flirty heehee.

Then I noticed something weird. As my hair grew towards my shoulders, there were certain sections that had weird textures. Weird as in kinky and bent all out of shape. At first I thought it was heat damage. But I am here to tell you (several years later) that it is not heat damage. I know what heat damage is!

I tried snipping it off. I had weird sections of hair that were so poofy and irregular. My doctor told me that maybe I had African American heritage LOL. I tried altering my thyroid medication and other medications. I've had my thyroid tested numerous times over the past several years.

I'm in my mid twenties now. My hair still has sections that are poofy, kinky, and unlike the rest of my head of hair. My whole head of hair used to have a fine texture and there is a lot of it. But ever since growing my hair out from a pixie, it hasn't been the same. 

I've tried. I've tried different hair products. I hardly use heat on my hair. And yes, I have tried Monat.

I so badly miss my smooth and silky hair. I realize it's such a trivial thing. "Well at least I have hair, right?"

I'll also add that multiple hair stylists don't know what to say to me. And my cosmetologist sister doesn't know why my hair is doing this, either.

 So once again, I am learning that I am more than my hair. I'm more than my once beautiful head of hair. 

But if I had the chance, I'd definitely take my old hair back LOL. 

I'll let you know if I ever get it back. 🤪