Today Was a Good Day. Wasn't it?

Sometimes I wish I had a really good excuse for my faults.

Like why I tend to be antisocial.

Like why I run out of smart things to say.

And sound stupid.  Or mean.

And why I just can't seem to fit in socially.

Yes, I have many good friends.  But I avoid the big group of friends.

Okay, that's a lie.  I actually do have a big group of friends.

But you wanna know the truth?

I feel more comfortable with a smaller group.

In a larger group I feel like in order to be heard, I must be loud and obnoxious.  Which is not who I am.

Sometimes I am loud and obnoxious, and when it happens, I am okay with it.

It's only when I feel forced to be a certain way that I hold back.

And what I am afraid of is that if I post this, you will read it.  Whoever you are.

And that you will think that I am really an antisocial, crabby old young lady who can't have fun and who doesn't love her friends.

And you will judge.

But I can have fun.

When I want to.

With the people who I feel comfortable with.

Basically: close friends, a one on one basis, family, and club swim team.  You guys are basically all my family.

I took a personality test and it said I was totally an introvert.

I disagree.  I can be a social butterfly.  And a nonsocial butterfly.

But I do enjoy my time alone.

Sometimes I wish I could run away to an island and lay on the beach and soak up the sun.

And really savor and eat up the silence.

And read a good book or two.

And take pictures.  Paint.  Sing.

And the list goes on.  And up into the sky.  Forever away.

Like a hot air balloon.  Drifting away from reality.

That's me.  Occasionally.

Often I think too much about WHY stuff is happening than rather living in the moment.

"This person must've done this for this reason.

Oh my gosh, maybe she hates me.  I just made a stupid comment.  I should leave.

No.  I am fearless.  I will say something funny.  Wait, no one heard.  It wasn't even funny.  Maybe I should sit back in a corner and not say any words instead of making an effort.  Maybe I should go get a drink of water.  Or put chapstick on.  My lips are dry.  Ew, my breath stinks.  I'm chewing too loud."

And THAT...is my brain.

Half the time.

The other half is a secret.

-Mallory