pura vida

i am leaving for school!

my little nephew, Daegon says that he will not be my "girlfriend" cause I am leaving.  (he is four years old).  and he gets his words mixed up.  i told him that i will FaceTime him, and i am not going to be gone forever.

i don't know how i will fit all my stuff into my luggage.  cereally. i have so much...and so little room.

the leaves are turning red and yellow here; it is so beautiful.  i'm really going to miss my home.

i roasted marshyellows last night and sat in the hot tub.  it was perf.

i honestly cannot believe that this time of year is already here.  all my friends have already gone off to school and are studying under cute picnic umbrellas on quaint little streets.

i will never ever ever experience this moment again.  every single second is so unique, because that second will never ever happen again the way that it did happen to you.  i will never again hear my Dad calling my little sister, a laundry basket hitting the floor, and the dogs shuffling across the carpet the way I hear it all now.
I will never see the leaves changing color like the way they do this year.  I will never be so close to all the memories I have recently made.  Every day takes me further from what I have known and closer to what I will be getting to know.
I will never see my baby cactus the way it is now, the globe propped up on the table, the hymnbooks stacked on top of the piano, and the newspaper draped across the bench.  Every single thing changes every day.  I could aim to achieve the same experiences and memories, but what is the point in that?  I would hardly grow.  Maybe grow into an OCD chick.
I will not hear my mom calling me back to her office. I will not see the bamboo plants stretching up towards the ceiling in the piano room.  I will not see my ocean blue and green walls for months.  when i come back, it won't be my room anymore.

i will never see myself the same way that i see myself today.  each new day, i look in the mirror and hope that i love the lady that i have become.  some days, i will feel like a turd.  of course, that is inevitable.  but i think that i am growing an inner sense of strong identity that will always be a part of my foundation; irreplaceable and durable, to outlast all the spiritual storms that try to knock me over.

sometimes, i believe that we are our own greatest enemies.  if only i always believed that i could accomplish whatever i desired.  my own thoughts determine who i become.

i am going to aim to place an incredibly high value of every day of my life.  every second i breathe is so precious. and guess what! i can do whatever i like with my own time.  and so can you.  that's how blessed we are.  the world is a gorgeous place.